Q: Do you give in and go or not?
A: My parents are dead, but I would love to be able to spend time with them. I may not have always liked them or loved them daily, but they were my history, my memories and my parents. I have adult children now who do their own thing; I won't spend the holiday with either of them because of situations in their life that they need to attend to. It doesn't mean we don't love each other; it means we are adult enough to know that Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday but not one that means we hang up our life and all get together. Yes, it would be nice but not mandatory. When my husband was in the Air Force and TDY a lot, we made the holidays whenever he was home. We didn't hang onto a date. So, Christmas might be Jan 3rd, or whatever. We still celebrated our way. Our children do the same thing; we don't get hung up on the date, but when we do get together, it is lovely. Resentment starts when adult children feel that they HAVE to be with the parent, or be with someone that interferes with their own plans. This keeps the adult person a child and needs to be addressed. Yes, someone will be hurt, but if a phone call on the day is made, and efforts are made to keep in touch throughout the year, everyone will be happy. If the parent puts a guilt trip on the adult child, don't get on the guilt train; don't take that trip. Have a happy holiday, loving your family just because family is important, but don't do what you don't want to do out of "I should". Resentment sucks and it shows.