Q: I used to pray when I was about 11-12 and then I just stopped. I can't even remember why or how or exactly when I stopped! ... I want to pray again but every time I want to start I just can't continue. I always Thank Allah by words for everything but I can't seem to actually do the praying. I just stopped trying because I think it's even worse to stop after a while. I think all of my laziness is from the shaytan. Seriously. Sometimes I feel like I might be going to hell for eternity... I prefer hearing any of your personal stories/struggles because they might motivate me... Shukran. I'm 17 by the way.
A: Wow, sister you are me a few months ago.. Really. I prayed when I was younger, then I'd stop. I think this is because when I started I didn't actually put in my mind, I'm going to be praying until the day I die. One night, I started thinking about my lifestyle. How I'm living. Where I'm headed. I broke down crying. Why am I trying so hard to find happiness, when Allah has already given me the perfect guideline? Do I know what will bring me happiness better than Allah? He is The Creator. Doesn't it make sense for the creation to follow the guidelines of The Creator? It was a turning point in my life. I was not the same person after that night of great thought. I began to pray. Regularly. About week passed maybe. And I wanted to count exactly how many days I've been praying.. Then I stopped myself. I said to myself, Why does it matter how many days I've been praying, if I'm going to pray for the rest of my life? That was when the realization sunk in.. I'm going to be praying for the rest of my life. I've never thought about it before. Every single day of my life. I realized that Islam was a whole lifestyle on it's own.. I was this new girl who got up early for Fajir, slept early. Simple things like saying Salaam. Smiling even when my heart ached. Listening to Nasheeds before bedtime. Times when I just didn't want to get up. I just couldn't. I realized that this feeling is a test from Allah. I think that's the most important thing to realize in prayer. Every little hardship is a test from Allah. Not feeling like it, that urge to keep sleeping was a test. What I did was, I set my alarm really far away from me and put it on maximum volume. So I'd hear it in the morning and have to run across the room to turn it off, forcing me up. Running to the sink before thinking about going back to bed. I had to fight it. Over time, AlhamduLilah, the urge to go back to bed vanished. I'd get up, it's just a part of my schedule, make wudu, and indulge in my prayer. I'd try to smile in my prayer, because smiling brings good thoughts. At first, standing too long would tire me out. Then I realized, I've stood plenty of times before for even longer.. How come when it's for prayer I get all lazy? I realized it's a test from Allah. I took deep breaths, relaxed my arms, got used to where I was standing, and the position for prayer became the position that I belonged in. Then I started praying at school. I thought, why should I have to try to fit Islam in my life when I should be working my life around Islam? When you're doing it for Allah, you have to put your complete trust in Him to clear the path for you. I wrote a note to my principal, and he said it was fine. Every day at around 2:10, I'd go to the locker room make wudu, and pray in the locker room. This year, InshaAllah, on Monday I'm going to try to find an office to pray in, it's more appropriate. If Allah Wills. The struggle is the journey. It's the beauty of your Islam. Every little hardship is a test, I'd motivate myself by downloading lectures on my MP3. By Hamza Yusuf, at first. I'd listen to one before I went to bed. Before Islam, I was a music-worshipper. I was obsessed. So I tested myself. I had maybe 2,000 songs. I selected them all and hit delete before I could even think, and poof they were out of my life. Years of music, different bands with different sounds all forgotten. I fell in love with nasheed. When I saw how much music influenced me, I thought, why not have it influence me in a way that will benefit me? Music that made me hum tunes about Allah. Months passed. This was only back in February. And I've gone such a long way. And InshaAllah, I'm headed a long way too. I will continue to pray until the day I die, By Allah's Will. AlHamduLilah.