Q: I have done some HORRID things in my life--things I care not to mention. How then, can Allah look at me with love in his heart? It's hard to let go of the things we did. I know it is for me. Psychologists say (and I agree) that we can not love anyone/thing with more love than we love ourselves. We project onto other's what we feel inside about ourselves. How then can we love Allah with our whole heart when we hate ourselves so (low self-esteem). Especially when we have it in the back of our minds that Allah is always displeased with us. This is my biggest struggle.
A: Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim Salaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullah I think all of us have done regrettable things in our lives. I, like you, am a revert to Islam, and I lived a fairly typical non-spiritual life for many years and did many things that I'm just as glad to forget. Even now, having been Muslim for fifteen years, I still make mistakes and commit sins. It's all part of being human. You only have to look to two of the most oft-repeated Names of Allah to know the He WILL forgive your sins. He is ar-Rahman, ar-Raheem, the Beneficent, the Most-Merciful. He is al-Gaffuur, the Most Forgiving, and He has promised to accept the repentance of those who believe in Him. The pagan Arabs who lived at the time that Islam was revealed in Arabia had some really horrible habits. They engaged in every sexual promiscuity, they drank to excess, they engaged in tribal squabbles and raids of banditry. They BURIED their infant daughters in the sand, leaving them to die because they were girls and not boys. Yet Allah revealed the Holy Qur'an in their midst, and they were guided to the Truth of Islam. When they submitted, Allah blotted out all their sins and they were like newborns, clean and without sin. You entered that state yourself when you became a Muslim. Any sin you committed, any wrong you did, was wiped out, erased, not to ever be counted against you. You are truly a new person, able to let go of the regrets of the past and build a solid, honest, religious life now as a Muslim. Know that in your heart - be confident in your purity and work to be the best Muslimah you can. Allah will never allow any of your good deeds to be lost. And Allah knows best. Fi Aman Allah, Nancy Umm Abdel Hamid