Q: I have told my mother, my husband and I do not want to buy gifts for the adults this year. Every year we all spend hundreds of dollars on each other and no one ever uses the gifts! We want everyone to give to the needy instead, but they won't do it. My mom still wants to buy us gifts that we don't want or need. We also want to spend Christmas at our own home, by ourselves, not drive around to our parents homes. We are in our 40's, and feel we have earned a right to have our own Christmas, but our parents don't see it that way.
A: It sounds like there may be a reason you really don't want to spend time with your parents. If you didn't have any conflicts and you felt a lot of love for someone, you would naturally want to buy them gifts and spend as much time as you could with them. You need to look at what is going on in your relationship with them. Maybe they have been selfish and expect you to do what they want, but they possibly only do what they want, when they want - and that sounds like CHRISTMAS to me. Maybe they never were there for you, but expected you to be there for them. If that is the case then I would start doing what you want. You may need to be more committed to yourself and your little family for a while. There is nothing wrong with living your own life, I am sure you have your reasons for wanting to do so.