Q: Everyone seems to be talking about xmas but this year I am dreading it. What should be a happy family time is nothing but heart ache for my husband, we have been together five years. He split up with his ex 7 years ago and has two kids with her. She is more than happy to take his money, ring and turn up when there is a problem but he has never been able to see the kids over christmas as she always makes a big issue out of her family day. It seems that our part of it is to just deliver presents the week before so he doesn't see them being opened. Last year we insisted on having them for a week in the new year and gave them the presents then, which seemed to cause more problems. She remarried 2 years ago and it seems to me that she would prefer to have just her family and my husband to stay away. He is not a bad person in fact the split was due to her affair with another man. Maybe I should book a weeks holiday somewhere this year for us both to get away but I know that my husband will still get hurt over the kids. The kids are 11 & 13 but go along with what the mum wants as she tends to be very controlling, hopefully in a few years they will feel that they can make up their own minds and spent some time with us.
A: That is so hard to deal with. At least you're making a stand. It shouldn't matter when they get the gifts from the Dad, but as the mother likes to point out, it's for families. So, turn that back around on her, and say yes, you agree it's for families, and that's why you'd like them with you for a week, and that'd give her a break to be with her current husband. She can't re-write history and your husband's role in the children's lives, no matter how hard she tries. Hopefully, she'll eventually see sense, no doubt it's when she wants something for you, and when that day comes, use it as leverage to get what you want out of her. But at the moment, I suspect she's just jealous of you and wants to maintain contol over your husband by manipulating him. Be strong. I've seen so many women with this if I can't have him, no one else can, even when they've instigated the break up.