Q: Ever since he was a child, he's hated Christmas because his parents were so worried about money they didn't spend quality time as a family. Now with our children I want to enjoy the holidays with him but he finds negative in everything. Please help.
A: Focus more on the togetherness and draw him into the fun that is not about money. I totally suggest taking the whole family out to a 'u-cut christmas trees' place. I went for my first time this past year with my husband and it was great...the lot was pretty big and we just wandered around looking for the perfect tree and talking. My husband got to saw the tree himself, and I got to drag it over to the truck. What a blast! Its also fun to get everyone together to decorate the tree. We did that this year (our first year as husband and wife) but I still have memories of doing that as a child. My parents would put the lights and garland up, and then they would sit back and watch us kids put the ornaments on. This idea doesnt have to be too expensive too. Just get the basics. This year for our 6 foot tree we bought one 150 light box, two strands of garland, and one box of 36 bulbs. The tree looked great! Another thing we did that was fun and didnt cost much - we went to a store to look at the fancy ornaments and each got to pick out one to put on the tree with the bulbs. It was fun looking around to find the perfect ornament, and we went to the store on a day th at it was 50% off ornaments at the Hobby Lobby! This will become a tradition for us - every year we are going to pick out one ornament each...with time we'll have more than we can fit on the tree! Another thing I've always liked to do is to get together and play cards, or some other game, while listening to christmas music. Make a plate of crackers, cheese, and pepperoni (or whatever you like) and just enjoy the time together. We always did this on christmas eve. When it comes to shopping you may want to cut back and not spend so much (so t here wont be any money worries). If he is prone to this kind of worry, maybe you could do the shopping , or just pick one day when the two of you get all the shopping done. To lower your money worries you can also save up throughout the year...you could even open a new savings account to store the money away. Another thing I did last year was to start gathering presents right away. No, I dont go out looking for christmas presents in March. Basically its just that I look for good deals, clearance sales, etc. If I have the money I pick up the item realizing what a bargain it is. And then I stored all my purchases in a box. At christmas time I opened the box and actually had quite a bit of shopping done already! As a final note, you can also de-emphasize the money aspect of Christmas in the way you open up gifts. Everyone may be excited and want to tear open the presents right away, but take your time! This, of course, may not be a possibility with younger children. But if you can encorporate it in its really nice. Open one gift at a time so everyone can see the person open the gift. Of course then everyone wants to talk about the gift, make jokes, open up the package, etc. Opening gifts could last hours even if there arent many gifts under the tree! Before or after gifts its nice to sit down as a family for a christmas breakfast. We used to always spend our afternoon together exploring our new gifts - playing the new games we got, opening up baseball cards, scratching lottery tickets, etc. Anyway, I guess the point is to de-emphasize money and spend more time together. The goal is to create family traditions that will last through the years...so even when your children leave home they can say to their new wife/husband "in my family on christmas we always used to..."